I Can Really Relate to Humpty Dumpty

July 4, 2014

“...and the beat goes on”

        -The Whispers

So, it’s Independence Day.  This is kind of an emotional day for me for several reasons.  Once again I am missing the family reunion on The Farm that happens annually around the fourth of July.  This year it is especially hard to miss since our founder, Stephen Gaskin, died a few days ago.  It is sad to not be able to see people that meant so much to me growing up and continue to be very special to me.  But since I’m The Poor Painter I obviously can’t afford to make the trip from New Mexico to Tennessee.  Anyways, I love all you Farmies.

It’s also my mom’s birthday, and as I mentioned before, our relationship is currently very strained.  She had it way worse than me growing up which is often the case.  We pass down some of the pain through the generations. I've found in my family that breaking these cycles takes immense effort.

These days I understand that my parents did the what they thought was best based on what they experienced growing up.  But the truth is, that’s not good enough.  One of my main mental health issues is being enmeshed with my family.  You can follow the link to learn more about enmeshment, but basically it means that all of my family members' emotions are tied together in a knot.  When our happiness and sadness are dependent on how other people are feeling we may feel like we have no way of leading ourselves towards happiness.  When we try counseling, or join social or mental health groups, we make some progress but can continuously be dragged down by the moods of our loved ones.

I’m not saying my parents are bad people.  They’re not.  But they weren’t the parents I needed.  So, once again I am reminding myself that it is time to grow up and start being a parent to myself.  This is extremely important to me since I have a one-year-old girl and a four-year-old girl.  I already know more about parenting than my mom and dad, but I will remember that there will always be more to learn and I will often be wrong.  Being willing to learn and admit our faults is what can change us into the parents that our children need.

My truth is that to be a good wife and mother I need to continue working on my happiness and my self-understanding.  In short, I’m putting the pieces of my mental health back together again.  I hope you are doing the same.