I’m feeling the separation between me and my Farm family today. A list was made of friends and Farm family that have passed. My brother is on there. My good friend. People who made me feel like the world wasn’t such a painful place. I love you Josh, Lizzie, Steve, Kathryn and all the others who touched me so deeply.
Sometimes we learn very young that life isn’t fair - it’s cruel. I miss my family, both families. I’m still unable to communicate with my parents. We can’t fix other people. We have to let them find their own way. But it still is painful.
As a future mental health counselor I believe that counseling can help us find our truth. For a long time I put a dam in front of my feelings. I hoped that I could stop my painful feelings in this way. Turns out when we try to turn our feelings off we may also lose our strong feelings of happiness, love, and compassion. The shell I made for myself made me feel alone. Maybe we are all truly alone, but we can reach out and feel the touch of love on our skins.
For too long I listened to my inner voice telling me that in reaching out I would find rejection. I did find rejection, we all do, but I’m stronger than I thought. Just because we will sometimes be rejected doesn’t mean we should stop trying. When people reject us, it is their loss. We are beautiful, worthy, strong people no matter what people tell us or what we’ve had to go through. We are not broken. We are deserving of love.
Hard days are when we must remember: it is our love of ourselves that makes the difference.
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